Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
