I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
