I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
