Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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