drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
