ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
