Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Alive.
So much puke
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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