Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
