Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
