today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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