You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
