The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
