dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We're too hungover to prance.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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