where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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