last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
