Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
