seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize