This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
