I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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