I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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