How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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