Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize