Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
