No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
