R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
