This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
