i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize