This is not my ceiling
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
