i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
