woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
