Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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