Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Randomize
