I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You can't motorboat a personality
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
