Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
