that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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