Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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