Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
