Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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