your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
