youre lurking in front of me
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
