David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
