All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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