He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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