Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
