her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just threw up on my dentist
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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