So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
