Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
