when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
