You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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