What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize