Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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