Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
