I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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