small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
