Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
