oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So much rum. So many feels.
Is Oprah even human
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
