We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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