you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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