She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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