White coat. Heels.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
