I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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