Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
