guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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