Yo dont text me then not text me
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
