I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
