is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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