Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
